Just Foxing With You: Clash

November 26, 2013
kitescoop

Got something new feature for you guys. Alex Fox, teamrider for Slingshot, has volunteered his services to The Scoop and we’re going to start featuring some of his writing. He’s all about giving props where props are due and roasting people where need be.

Ahhh clash. These guys are in need of a good roast, I don’t know if I have ever seen a more narcissistic marketing campaign.  That is saying a lot considering this is kiteboarding where every manufacturer constantly reinvents the wheel year after year.  But holy shit, Clash is bold. I mean they are piss on your face when you’re at a house party, bold. Oops. When ‘Balance’ (Alvaro’s first board company) went bankrupt, he decided to try again and even was bold enough to name his first board for the new company the “reincarnation.” Here’s the plot twist:  he hit them with that classic skull wearing a bandanna graphic that really wasn’t successful in 2009 or 2010 or 2011 but shit it’ll work now on ‘Clash,’ dude its 2014!  I can only imagine one other person who could be stoked on that graphic, and it’s that guy Bret Michaels from the band ‘Poison’ because, well, he loves bandannas and nothing quite says glam metal band from the 80’s more than a skull wearing a bandanna. Bold.

 

Fs 5 double grab by Alvaro. from RideClash on Vimeo.

He took things that next level of bold when he claimed a double grab on this frontside 5. I mean he should have claimed quadruple grab with how big that ramp was. I was confused as to whether these guys just had no idea how to build kicker,s or if they built that thing for Toby Brauer to airstyle his way to the moon with.  Either way no 3rd world kicker is complete without that Ollie on.  He really locked in that nelon grab on the way up, but man that tindy really perplexed him on the way down. That hand eluded his board like it was that second PKRA title running from Kevin Langeree, or was it ever really there to begin with. Either way, he should avoid grabbing tindy.

 

As if that wasn’t the boldest claim he made… Ol’ Alvaro one upped himself by introducing the brilliant marketing slogan “your imagination is now possible.” Holy Shit, Alanis Morissette! where the fuck were you at?! That slogan is way more ironic than rain on my wedding day or a free ride when I have already paid. I guess by being the sixth brand to become a dealer for Ronix boots he somehow innovated the market by just doing what every other brand already did.  And we consider this guy innovator? Talk about 10,000 spoons and all we need is a knife.

 

Just foxing with you Alvaro.

-Alex Fox

 


  1. Tío! Qué decepción! Antes de leer esto pensaba que eras un pedazo de artista como la copa de un pino! Me encantaba tu trabajo, parecías diferente.
    Pero tras leer este “artículo” tan solo me pareces una oveja más del rebaño.
    Si crees que vas a ser mejor que otros subiéndote a su chepa… Me das pena. Encima, para cerrar este artículo tan brillante pones una foto tuya escuchando música???? Que hay mas narcisita que eso? “Me creo guay y no quiero saber nada del mundo mientras hago mis super trucos que son mejores que los de Alvaro Onieva” porque mis kickers son de son mas chachis…. Ah, y que sepas que el kicker fue diseñado por Rick Jensen, igual si lo hubieras probado te callarías la boca. Simplón!

    Un besito, solo “Castring with you” 😉

  2. Posdata: gracias por darle publicidad a Clash gratis. haha! 😉

  3. hahahahahahhahaha
    do you think you are important just for ride with slingshot?
    I don’t understand how you can say shit of a guy that is much more important than you in this sport and has achieved things that you NEVER will achieve.
    You think you are good because you can do a couple of tricks with the kicker, but the truth is that everybody could do them if they could train with a kicker.
    with love,
    Gonzalo.

  4. Ryan Shute says:

    Fox i think you hurt this dudes feelings. He was just foxing around man.

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.

Just Foxing With You: Clash Just Foxing With You: Clash
loading..